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Thursday, June 19, 2014

Marriage Wisdom from an Old-Married-Fool

Marriage Wisdom from an Old-Married-Fool
by Brian Thomas Armstrong
     Anyone who contemplates marriage usually has deep seeded spoken or un-spoken doubts, reservations, and fears mostly instilled by their friends and family, not to mention society in general about whether they can actually spend the rest of their lives with someone and still love them in the twilight years of their marriage; rather than want to kill them, blame them, and secretly hate them for years of a fruitless marriage and a  hopelessly trapped existence with no obvious  way out but an expensive and emotionally devastating divorce, or merciful death.
     The truth to why many marriages fail before their ten year mark is in fact an obvious one that has existed since the creation of the short double worded statement -“I Do.”  The real reason that many marriages fall apart is plain and simple SEX, or more to the point – THE LACK OF IT
     For the wife in the relationship marriage becomes more about emotional love over the years rather than the sexual act of the mechanical relational aspect of love. The trappings of family life and marriage meld into responsibility and commitment for the female psyche that hinges more towards stability rather than sexuality. For the male partner in the long term relationship though, the husband still remains a young boy in his mind, especially when confronted with ongoing and increasingly more complicated responsibility and unquestionable commitment. To the husband sex is usually still the major foundation of their marriage and love becomes either a convenience, or increasingly more of an inconvenience; mostly again depending on his needs and not his partners.
     The more the husband is denied sex when he feels he requires it or has earned it, the more the vicious cycle of sexual animosity manifests itself to both parties involved. The more the husband acts up or acts out, the more his wife withholds the sex from her husband that he feels entitled to under law. Finally the boy/man convinces himself that his entitlement to sex as a “man,” goes beyond his marriage and the indiscriminant cheating and drawn out affairs begin to happen, dooming his marriage to its inevitable failure.
     Cheaters always get caught in a marriage and husbands always realize what fools they were to begin with too late in the game. They proceed to beg for their wife’s forgiveness and for them to take them back, conditionally or more unlikely unconditionally. Whether the wife does take him back, or simply and silently puts up with and endures their spouses indiscretions once again is solely based on their paternal or internal perceptions of marital responsibility and commitment, rather than giving their husbands more sex at this point; in fact the opposite usually occurs sexually and the husband gets even less tang than he did before after self-creating the isolated capsule that he has made for himself trying to fly to the moon on his own terms.
     Once the thin line has been crossed between love and hate for the female psyche there is usually no turning back for her or her husband and the “mutual breakup” becomes inevitable. This occurrence in the female’s mindset usually is followed by the negative and unproductively sorry for himself – male hurt feelings. This state of mind on the husbands part reverts the man even further into the mentality of the young boy he wishes he still was,  and then proceeds to compound his marital problems even more, usually just in time for his also inevitable – MID LIFE CRISIS.
    The bottom line and conclusion to this admittedly seemingly hostile to the male mentality and its attached physical genital appendage that gets husbands in so much financial, legal, and emotional trouble,  is that the ones who stay together for that eternity of bliss, and sometimes not so blissful happily ever after marriage are the ones that :
1.       Do so out of both love and fear – love/fear of their spouses or, fear of living alone now that they are past their prime and damaged goods on the open glutted dating meat market. (not the best reason)
2.       Secure and subdue their lust while ensuring and cultivating their love by mutual respect, communication, commitment,  and responsibility to each other rather than individually self-interpreting all four of the fore-mentioned marital musts that a couple need to share in order to have a healthy, working,  and more importantly happy marital relationship.
3.       Egos must be eliminated, trust must be initiated, and humility must be cultivated.
  The reason I focused on the male faults that hinder a successful marriage is that I am a male, egotistical, selfish, ex-cheating, self-loathing, little boy trapped in a man’s body, twice married old fool, who feels the need and obligation to impart some hard earned marital wisdom in order to hopefully save someone else the regrets of learning them later in life rather than sooner. It is also good to remember that “Till Death Do Us Part,” is just another statement that people use when put on the spot that really means they have no clue what so ever as to whether that is really a good thing or a bad thing, or that they are really capable of the hard work, tough choices, and tests of mutual faith needed to make that statement a good thing, and true representation of reality in both the couples future.
Good luck and good loving to anyone who is contemplating making the big step into the big plunge, sincerely - Brian Thomas Armstrong